I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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