It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
