STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
