Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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