I molested 6 butterflies tonight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
