Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need water and some morals
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
