bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
