So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
