mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
