he looks like a really good dad on facebook
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
