im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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