That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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