Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
