So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
