Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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