I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
