Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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