I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
