apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
