I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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