You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
