I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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