I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
