this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
