You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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