and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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