Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
