Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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