I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
