Im at strip club and am horny
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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