I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
