last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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