Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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