On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
