walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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