Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
