I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This house was built for laser tag.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
