Me. At least after what I've been through.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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