Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
