There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
