Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
