Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
