I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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