Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
