If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
