The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
