he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
