I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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