Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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