my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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