I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
