That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
